Chop smallish some green bell pepper, celery and onion: a couple of cups of each.

Slowly cook a third of a cup of oil or pork dripping with a tablespoon or two of flour in it, stirring all the time, until the flour reaches a mahogany brown colour. This is what they call a roux. Then throw in your vegetables, dodging the splashes, and stir them till they're quite a bit softer than they were.

Cook about as much meat as vegetables until it's browned: usually chicken joints, leftover ham and Gubbeen's chorizo chez nous, but it depends what you've got. Seafood can go in too, but towards the end so you don't ruin it. Add the meat to the veg. Pour in stock or beer or water to cover, stir, and bring to the boil, then simmer. Add paprika, thyme, oregano, garlic, bayleaves, pepper sauce, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, and a tin of chopped tomatoes. Let it all cook for about three-quarters of an hour, and make plenty of rice in the meanwhile. You could add some chopped spring onions and parsley towards the end, and more beer &c. if it looks too thick. Salt to taste.

I think that's about it. Might make cornbread (cornmeal, plain flour, baking powder, salt, sugar, 2 eggs, milk, some oil - all mixed and baked in a medium+ oven for half an hour or so (loadsa recipes on the www) if there's time.