Lanson are supposed to be sending us a couple of bottles of their official World Cup champagne; but there's still no sign of their arrival, and the Bubble Brothers sports correspondent tells me they'd want to get a move on, as we're into injury time, to use the jargon. So instead of my having to think up a real competition with some real champagne as the prize, here's a virtual competition. Please don't write in, and any reward is in the taking part.

Q. Which story (1, 2, 3) does this picture tell?

1. I was dreaming about the blog's hit counter again, feverishly. I watched it roll up to a hundred and forty thousand, and if you want music, you could imagine a soundtrack to William Hope Hodgson's chiller The House on the Borderland, which is set in Ireland, as it happens.

NB Blood pressure warning: it's a ripping yarn, but the scene-setting stereotypes are laid on a bit thick, I'm afraid.

2. I was checking the alcohol percentage on a newly-arrived sample of Burping Bandicoot, and those zeroes just kept on rolling and rolling into the distance.

3. Where motor cars are concerned, if it ain't bust, don't change it for another one.

On the topic of Milestones, good luck to my bass buddy Humphrey and his band Jodavino tonight, supporting Roxy Music at the Marquee. I hope the bottles the Jodes bought as thank-yous for people who'd helped them were appreciated.